Stepmom

Stepmom is a late 1990’s movie starring Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon. It’s about a mother of two who gets diagnosed with terminal lymphoma and the struggle she has with both dealing with her illness and her feelings of having her ex-husbands girlfriend “replacing” her in her children’s lives.

This was probably the worst film for me to watch right now but in a way I’m glad I did because it inspired me to get back to writing. Recently my mom has gotten sick and although we don’t have an exact diagnosis yet, one of the things being thrown around is lymphoma.

Let me tell you, when a doctor starts saying words like lymphoma, things get really scary really quickly. It started out with just some fatigue. When the fatigue didn’t get better my sister and I made her go the emergency room. I work in a hospital so for me being there is just another day. I don’t get scared or worried because it’s like a second home to me. But when the doctor came back with a worried look on his face and started using words that end in “-oma”, it was like a burglar had broken into my house. That feeling of safety and security was gone, and I knew what it felt like for other people to have loved ones in the hospital.

One thing about Hollywood is that they tend to gloss over anything dealing with sickness in movies. Even in ones about an illness. They cut away when someone is vomiting. The actor usually still has perfect makeup on after surgery. And they might show a character biting their lip in worry but they leave out the part where they cry in the shower or when they’re alone because they are scared out of their mind. In real life, we don’t have that option to cut away from the scenes that might be hard to watch.

My mom has never really been sick before so the last few days have been really hard on us as a family. Our mother is the center of our family, our strength. Seeing her sick and scared is easily one of the hardest things we’ve had to deal with. There are worried looks on everyone’s faces and that tell tale sign of crying,a red nose, keeps popping up.

This is a brand new thing for us as a family to deal with. But the one thing the movie did get right is the family unity that comes out of a situation like this. We have all banded to together and decided that no matter what the diagnosis is, we’re going to beat it together. She’s not going to go through any part of this alone. We are going to share the load and be her strength and support through every step of this until she gets better. Because that what family does. So in this case, the movies got it half right.

The Bucket List-Part 2

This project was a true labor of love. After I started writing my own Bucket List I wanted everyone around me to write their own. I have gathered up all the lists that I could get my hands on and the things that I’ve found are amazing. The lists come from people from all walks of life. Ages range from 15 to 53. Male and female. All kinds of educational backgrounds. Some married, some single, some divorced.

What I found surprised me. While there were some that had unique goals on them, many shared dreams and aspirations. Many people want to go skydiving scuba dive, and swim with dolphins. All the single people (even the teenagers) want to find someone, get married, and have children. The Moms want to see their kids (or grandkids) graduate. What I love so much about this is the realization that even though everyone is different, we all basically want the same things. We want to be loved and to love someone else. We pretty much all want to have children who we can watch grow up and prosper into successful human beings. And we all want a little adventure!

It was the more personal things on these lists that made this project so fun and meaningful. While I’m not going to share identities with you, I will give you a little insight to who these people are so you can see just how alike and unique we all are. These are not the lists in their entirety, but just a sampling of each….It may be a little long but I went through and picked out some the best ones from each list. Let these people inspire you to achieve great things (and some just plain funny things) the way they have all inspired me.

15 year old female
• Get out of high school with a 4.0 GPA
• Make it through college to get my degree to be an Obstetrician
• Be in two place's at once
• Write a book and have it published
• Be an operator on the Suicide Hotline
• Be able to watch my baby brother grow up
• Get married on the beach

16 year old female
• Voice a cartoon
• Shoot Kristen Stewart in the foot
• Spend the day at St. Jude’s
• Help at a homeless shelter
• Meet Robert Pattinson

17 year old male
• Save a persons life
• Meet Brett Favre
• Go to Canton, Ohio to the Football Hall of Fame
• See Eminem Live
• Graduate
• Be brought back to life
• Have Gills Implanted (Boys….so strange!)

18 year old male
• Go to culinary school
• Become a chef
• Have my own restaurant/diner
• Have my own cooking show
• Forgive everyone who has disrespected me in my life
• Save a animals life

20 year old male college student
• Work with the homeless and disenfranchised in New Orleans/ other Katrina effected areas of the Gulf Coast
• Learn a unique foreign language ( in progress)
• Build a relationship with my dad
• Have a legally recognized marriage
• Make my family proud
• Spend a year living out of hotels across the country (a vagabond of sorts)
• Learn to feel comfortable with myself and my abilities
• Live to see the day when homosexuals have the same rights that everyone else enjoys
• Mush someone’s face…
• Live off of a self-sustainable farm for a year (with a staff of course….what do I look like, a farmer?)
• Audition for a Broadway musical

25 year old single female
• Marry someone who loves me and understands my idiosyncrasies and accepts them
• Have lots of dogs!
• Be voted Teacher of the Year
• Get a doctorate (Ed.D or Ph.D) in Administration and Supervision, and Curriculum Design
• Be principal of an elementary school.
• Go to France and drink red wine and eat brie and baguettes all day
• Go to India and visit a Buddhist temple
• Travel with my best friend Lisa (<---That’s me!) • Go to a movie premiere • Take classic voice lessons • Train for and run a 10k • Write/illustrate children's books with my sister Shelley • Swim in water so blue it takes your breath away 25 year old married female
• To kiss my husband goodnight on the night of our 50th wedding anniversary
• Help my daughter get dressed on her wedding day
• Plant a vegetable garden
• Stomp grapes
• Make Christmas cookies with the assistance of my daughter
• Be in my sister’s wedding
• Foster dogs for animal rescue program
• Stuff a Turkey and bake it for Thanksgiving
• Plant a Christmas tree
• To sit on the porch of the house I built with my husband

27 year old Mother
• Have a wedding with the dress of my dreams
• Visit castles in Europe
• Buy a house with central air
• Dance with my son at his wedding
• Attend a fancy ball
• Knit an afghan
• Watch the sunset on the beach
• Have another baby
• Visit the Holy Lands
• Be my son’s hero

53 year old grandmother of four
• Travel across the U.S.
• Go on a cruise
• See my grandchildren graduate high school
• Remodel an old house
• See Willie Nelson in concert
• Be able to make my children financially stable
• Go to the Grand Ole Opry
• Not HAVE to work until retirement age


Please if you haven’t done so, write your own Bucket List. And start crossing things off that list. It doesn’t matter if you are 17 or 70, it’s never too late to do the things you’ve always wanted to do!

And thanks to everyone who not only wrote their lists, but gave them too me so that I could write this blog. You guys truly are the best and I can’t wait to start crossing things off with you!

I guess in this case, life IS like a movie......

The Bucket List- Part One

The Bucket List is a 2007 film starring Academy Award-winners Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. The main plot follows two terminally ill men (portrayed by Nicholson and Freeman) on their road trip with a wish list of things to do before they "kick the bucket."

The list includes things like go skydiving together, get tattoos on their hands, climb the Pyramids, drive a Shelby Mustang, eat dinner at Chevre d'Or in France, visit and praise the beauty and history of Taj Mahal, India, ride motorcycles on the Great Wall of China, and attend a lion safari in Africa.

So this got me thinking. What would be on my Bucket List? I sat down and started to write my own. I decided I would come up with twenty-five things for the twenty-five years I’ve been alive. I got so excited about this that I’ve gotten my friends and family to write one too. Stayed tune for part two of this blog to see a comparison of all of those bucket lists. In the meantime, here’s mine.

1.Visit the Taj Mahal
2.Sing on stage at the Grand Ole Opry
3.See the pyramids
4.Go to medical school and earn a M.D.
5.Road trip with Heather across the country
6.Start a dog rescue
7.Marry a man who embraces my crazy
8.Have four healthy children (3 girls and 1 boy preferably) and have them grow up close to my family and my best friend Heather’s kids.
9.Live in a home with my own home theatre
10.Skydive
11.Get to and maintain a healthy weight
12.Help build a Habitat for Humanity house
13.Host or attend a period party- a 1800’s or earlier costume party
14.Scuba dive somewhere exotic
15.Learn how to bake the perfect peach pie
16.Work at Johns Hopkins
17.Meet Bill Clinton
18.Spend a month living in a tent in the mountains
19.Own a pair of Jimmy Choo’s
20.Train for and run a marathon (okay, okay, a half-marathon)
21.Write a book
22.Rally in Washington for a cause that’s important to me
23.Punch someone in the face
24.Teach my nieces and nephews about what’s important in life
25.Be as good of a person as my family and friends think I am

Hot Tub Time Machine

If you haven't seen Hot Tub Time Machine yet, do yourself a favor and head to the nearest Red Box. Even though the premise of a time traveling hot tub may seem kinda dumb this movie is heavy on the laughs. When three old friends (and a twenty year old nephew) find that their adult lives don't live up to their expectations, they take a road trip to the one place that never let them down, Kodiak Valley. It doesn't take long for them to realize that the past twenty years were not kind to the place they loved so much. The only thing the once popular ski resort still has going for it is the in room hot tub. The four guys break out the alcohol and jump in. The next morning they wake up and realize they've traveled back in time twenty years. Although they try to do the exact same things they did way back when, things don't work out that way. When they finally make it back to the present their lives have all changed for the better.

I'm no different than anyone else. I absolutely have things in my life that I wish I could change. There are decisions that I've made that didn't turn out the way I planned. I have at one time or another daydreamed about going back in time and fixing my mistakes. In theory this is a great idea. We could take a mulligan on that time we broke up with Mr. Right. We'd have a do over that would allow us to not say the harsh words too our loved one. Heck, we could even go back and use our knowledge of history to make ourselves rich.

But what kind of an effect would changing these things have on the rest on our lives? What if going back and changing something about high school caused me not to have my best friend in the present? Would it be worth it? No freaking way! Changing the smallest thing could potentially set off a chain of events that changed everything. Good and bad. It's called the butterfly effect. And my friends and family are just too amazing to risk it.

In the movies, time travel seems like a great thing. They go back, change a few things here and there, and return to the present. There they find a hot wife, a huge house, and a ton of money. But what did they learn? I don’t' know about you but for every single mistake I made, I learned something. It taught me something about the people I let in, about myself, and about life. Those are lessons that are much more valuable than knowing the upcoming lotto numbers.

So yeah, on one hand having a hot tub time machine would be great. But I've learned to live my life with no regrets. I'm not perfect but neither are you. I take the good with the bad and because of the great support system I have in place, I don't need that time machine. I'm just fine with the way things are. Are you?

The Sweetest Thing

The Sweetest Thing is one of my favorite movies. It is a cute romantic comedy but it's also a great friend movie. It is the honest portrayal of female relationships that makes this movie what it is. Instead of the prim and proper, tea drinking ladies we're used to seeing in movies, we get the story of three modern women in San Francisco (played beautifully by Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, and Selma Blair) who talk openly about sex, love, and everything in between.

The friendships in this film are so real it's like looking at my own life. The honest (sometimes crass) and direct way they talk to each other is very true to life. When Diaz's Christina is telling Courtney (Applegate) about the dick guy she just met Courtney calls her bluff immediately saying, “It’s so obvious that you like this guy. Why are you being such a pussy about it?" That is one hundred percent the way my best friend and I interact. She is the first person to call me out on my crap... and I love her for it. It's easy to tell someone what they want to hear or to sugarcoat everything. But every woman needs at least one girlfriend who isn't afraid to burst her bubble and tell her like it is.

Having a best friend is a HUGE asset and is also an amazing blessing. My best friend is always there (even when I don't want her to be). She accepts me for who I am and she never judges me. She celebrates my successes and comforts me when I fail.

It's a two way street. For everything she gives me, I'm right there to return it. Do we get on each others nerves from time to time? You betcha! But after ten solid years of friendship I could not live without her.

So celebrate your best friend. Send her a letter out of the blue and tell her how much she means to you. Call her and ask her about her day and "forget" to turn the conversation around to you. Send her a text of a funny movie quote or a favorite song lyric. You'd be surprised at how much she'll appreciate it.

For all the things Hollywood gets wrong, this is one that they got right. From the very public singing outburst to the three hour road trip just to see a cute guy, The Sweetest Thing finally shows the world just how unique female friendships are.


And for all of you that love this movie as much as I do...."Ah fuck Grandma!"

Post Grad

“Post Grad” is a cute film that revolves around Ryden (played by Alexis Bledel) who has just graduated college and expects her new Bachelors degree to make all her dreams come true. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get the job she’s always wanted, the dream apartment falls through, and she has to move back in with her parents. After interviews for one crappy job after another, she winds up working at a luggage store for her dad. She’s miserable. Eventually though, she gets the call that the dream job has once again opened up. All is well as she gets what she wants.

Here’s the thing, our generation has grown up with EVERYONE (our parents, teachers, our friends, the media) telling us that the world is our oyster. We can “do anything we set our minds to”. We can do anything and be anything we want. We’ve been told these things since we were young and we’ve grown up believing it to be true. What they didn’t tell us is that while they were telling you and me, they were also telling the countless other kids our age the same thing. Why is that a problem? Because it’s impossible for me to get my dream job when 200,000 other people are trying to get it too.

We go through high school doing the best we can. We study hard, take the A.P. courses, become members of all the school clubs, and strive to do well on our SAT’s. We apply to college, decide on where to go and spend the next four years working toward the Holy Grail….a Bachelors degree.

But what happens when we get the degree? Well, then we go up against all the other college graduates who are trying to find a job with the right starting pay, in the right city, doing the right thing. It’s not easy. It doesn’t happen overnight. And even if we do find a job, chances are it’s not what you’ve always wanted to do. It’s working as a paralegal, or an assistant, or some other entry level job that none of us grew up ever thinking we would do. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with these jobs. It’s honest work and it pays the bills (some of them at least). But if we can “do whatever we set our minds to”, why are we doing these jobs instead of what we want?

Then comes the real shocker. In time our student loans come due. I’ve been talking to my dear best friend over at “Musings” and she has been telling me about her loans that she is set to pay back this summer……almost 50% of her take home pay! Are you kidding me? Who can afford half of their paycheck to go to just one bill? I don’t remember being told about the money our dreams were going to cost us. Shoot, if they would have told me I probably would have been a less expensive dream.

The bottom line is yes the opportunities are out there. If you work hard enough and WAIT LONG ENOUGH (that’s what the left out all those years ago) you can do just about whatever you want. But don’t forget that you are NOT defined by what you do, but who you are. Its way more important to be a good person and a productive member of society than it is to have a high powered career. So me? I’ll take my entry level job for now and enjoy my great family and fantastic friends.
And I’ll keep on watching those movies I love so much…..

Raising Helen

Yesterday I decided that it would be fun to invite my two nieces down to spend the night with me. One is sixteen and the other is thirteen. And of course with the younger one always comes her bff. So yesterday I picked the three girls up and brought them back to my house. We went swimming in the river, watched movies, ate Chinese food, played Monopoly, and laughed at everything.

I’ve also always wanted to be the “fun” aunt. Every summer since I started driving I’ve taken each of them out to see a movie of their choice, I’ve hosted sleepovers, and played dress up and video games. I gossip with them and tell them stupid jokes.

Watching them lie on my bed watching “Coraline” in 3-D, I thought of the movie “Raising Helen”. I wouldn’t be surprised if most of you haven’t seen it because it wasn’t a huge hit…it only grossed about 37.4 million at the box office. But it did have a pretty good story. Its title character Helen, played by the adorable Kate Hudson, is a successful twenty-something who loves her Manhattan, club hopping lifestyle. She has two sisters, who both have settled down and had children and Helen is the very definition of the “fun aunt”. When Helen’s sister and brother-in-law unexpectedly die in a car crash, everyone assumes the three kids will be entrusted to the older, more responsible sister. Instead, custody of the three kids goes to Helen. She struggles to assert her new role as their guardian and often does a poor job of remembering three children do not fit well into the fast paced lifestyle she had been leading. But somehow along the way she grows up and eventually she embraces the responsibility of being a parent to her nieces and nephew. Once again, in just 119 minutes, all is well.

I thought about this because, if tragedy struck my family, would I be able to care for my nieces and nephew? Am I adult enough to shape them in productive members of society or to disciple them when they act like fools? Would they even respect me enough to allow me to assume that role in their lives?

First of all, in real like I don’t think Helen would have been the first choice of guardian. She lived in a small Manhattan apartment, was probably not financially secure, and showed no signs of slowing or settling down. Her other sister, however, was happily married with two kids of her own, owned her own home, and was described as “supermom”.

I’m only 24 and still pretty selfish. I’m still in school and haven’t yet started my career. My brother and his wife would be a much more logical choice. But all that aside, I’ve decided that if I were faced with the decision to take in the kids or not, I would do it, and do it well. Here’s why: I first became an aunt when I was eight. From the first day I laid eyes on him, even at eight, all I wanted to do was protect him. And with the three girls that have followed (two from my sister and most recently one courtesy of my brother) the feeling has only grown. I worry about them, encourage them to do well in school and to be good and decent people, talk to them about things they don’t want to tell their parents about, and most importantly, I listen to them. I listen about their day at school, why their friends sometimes suck, what scares them, and what they want out of their life. I love them. Pure and simple. They make my life better just by being in it. I would give up everything I have to make sure they are safe and happy. And I think that as long that’s true, everything else will fall in behind it.

Sometimes movies are so far off from what would really happen it’s ridiculous. But sometimes, when you really stop to think about, it’s not so farfetched after all…….